Eyes Wide Shut The Hell Up Already
Jordan | March 28, 2011
The Date From Hell
Due to this episode’s central theme, I had a strange idea. Why don’t we all share our worst first date experience via comments.
Mine was about 8 years ago; I invited a very nice girl out for dinner and some mini-golf. I went to pick her up and I was surprised to find we were going to be accompanied by a “Chaperone” that her very religious family insisted on. The odd thing was, this Chaperone was our age and clearly was more than just a little interested in my date.
At dinner, this Chaperone pointed out how cheap of a restaurant I picked out and complained about everything, all the while making cracks about everything I said AND flirting with my date. Then when the bill came, he informed me he didn’t bring his wallet and ask for me to cover it. I kept my cool for the most part but my date could tell I wasn’t happy.
Then, we went to a local mini-golf/arcade and of course, the Chaperone thought that was dumb, to which I pointed out he, “didn’t need to play or be there if he didn’t want to”. To which he responded by putting his arm around my date and telling me, “They were going to go play arcade games and so I could play as much mini-golf as I could handle”. This was the last straw, I suggested we have some soda and he sucked it down until he needed to go to the bathroom. When he left us, I grabbed my date and we jumped in my car and went to a movie, leaving our Chaperone without a car, wallet, or cellphone in the bad part of town.
I got a call from the girl’s parents the next day telling me I was no longer allowed to see their daughter because of the “cruel way” I treated our Chaperone. I didn’t really mind, the movie we watch was the Mike Myers train-wreak “The Cat In The Hat” (her pick) and she liked it. The parents didn’t need to forbid me from seeing her, between the awful date and her taste in movies…I wasn’t going to be calling.
Josh | March 28, 2011
Ok, so I don’t have much of a “worst date” story and more of just an awful experience I had with an ex-girlfriend when I was in high school.
It was Valentines Day and we had only been dating about a month and a half. I wanted to do something really special for her but we both had school that day. I got to school extra early and put a key shaped chocolate in her locker and it said “This is the key to my heart” so she would see that first thing in the morning. We saw each other between classes and at lunch I had asked my dad to burrow the car so I could take her out to lunch. We jetted from school and went to Red Robin where I had made reservations, and we sat and ate together. After lunch everyday, I had “free periods” so my school day effectively ended at 11:15am everyday right when lunch started. So after Red Robin we returned to school, and I told her to have a good rest of her day and I would see her that night. Before I left I stopped by the principal’s office and dropped off a stuffed animal and told them to add with the final announcements that my girlfriend “had something in the office she needed to pick up”, so that even when I wasn’t at school, she would still be getting presents from me and hopefully thinking about me.
She was going to be busy after school until the basketball game. I am slightly ashamed to say that I was on the cheerleading squad with my girlfriend… but never the less I told her I would see her at the game. 7pm rolled around, I stayed till half time, then I told her that I “had to go home and finish filling out some financial aid for college.” That was a total lie. In reality I was ditching early, had gotten a key to her house from her parents and was setting up a surprise for her when she got home. To back track slightly, since our day was filled with school and the basketball game she didn’t think that she was going to get to see me very much that day and was pretty upset about it. She figured after the game I would take her home and that’s where our night would end…
I told her at halftime that after the game I would pick her back up to see her before she went home for the night. So the game ended, I had gotten back to school to drove her back to her place and she was pretty upset that we only had time for me to take her home. I told her that we could do something that weekend, and for her not to worry about it. So I took her to her house and after I dropped her off, I drove down the block and parked my car, got a dozen roses out of my trunk, and ran back to her place. Her parents let me in and I slowly went upstairs to see her. You see… when I took the key from her parents for the surprise I went to her house and wrote out instructions for her. Basically she came home, got a note to go up to her room, push play on the cd player and enjoy. I had put our song in the cd player, wrote her a poem, bought her a heart shaped box of chocolates, and some jewelery… and laid it all out in her room for her to come home and enjoy!
As I crept up to her room, I set the roses on the stairs on the way up since her room was the 2nd story of her house. I got to her room just as she finished reading the poem and she looked up at me with tears in her eyes. She came up to me to give me a hug and I asked her if she wanted to dance. Right there in her room I slow danced with her while she cried tears of joy. When the song was over I told her to close her eyes. I went back to the stairs, got the roses, came and placed them in her hand. One final little tid-bit is that she had been hinting about wanting something for Valentines Day that she had never gotten. After some clever detective work I found out it was flowers… cut scene back to her room. After I gave her the flowers (which I was right…it was what she always wanted) I asked her if she would come to dinner with me because I had already cleared it with her parents. She couldn’t believe it. Then we went out, had a great dinner, I took her home and that was my Valentines Day!
So you might be asking yourself… “Josh, why is this such a terrible thing?”
She dumped me the next day. Told me she wanted to be with somebody just like me, just not me. Moral of the story? I dodged a bullet and am thankful I ended up with my wife.