Jordan | November 14, 2011
Like A Boss
Can you believe how rude, arrogant and straight up dick-ish that guy is?! Learn some freakin’ respect, New Guy!
As you may have noticed (unless you skip the comics and just read the posts), we have a new character here on II, the Master and Commander of our company, Alexander Grant. Recently, Mr. Grant gave me some crazy-awesome financial advice that I’d be a greedy jerk not to share with you…
Well, see you Friday 🙂
Alright, alright, here is Alexander Grant’s Keys to financial success!
Key 1: Be born into money!
Key 2: Come up with a great idea, or even better, steal one and say you came up with it (it happens more than you think).
Key 3: Find a worthy charity (preferably one involving the dying or puppies) to launder your money through.
Key 4: Be a citizen of the World. That way, if you are ever wanted for anti-trust violations you can head to one of your Summer homes in a country that does not extradite.
Key 5: Plastics
Key 6: Never, ever, cheat!
Key 7: It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught!
Key 8: Never get caught.
Key 9: Always hire a bunch of idiots to work for you so you can use them as Fall-Guys if the Department of Justice gets wise to the billions you are duping middle income families out of.
Key 10: It’s always easiest to steal from the working class…they are too busy worrying about how they are going to feed their kids and keep their house to fight back.
Winning At Life: The Champion Rises!
This was extremely difficult for me, we had a few really good entries and I honestly don’t want to just pick single entry but as Connor MacCloud says in Highlander, “there can be only one” (Well, until Michael Ironside shows up in the second movie and it turns out Immortals are actually outcast aliens. I know, WTF).
So congratulations to Jacob who proved with his XXXL submission that more is more! Let’s take a look, shall we?
Ok, so I just finished writing a comment, and tried to submit it, and then my browser crashed. I mean, this was a work of art. It was an epic the likes of which have not been seen since the days of Iliad, or Gilgamesh. Actually I’m pretty sure the pure concentration of awesome contained in this comment box was too much for its mortal form to contain, which was why it crashed. So I will do my best to dilute and simplify what I wrote into the following:
My life is awesome, and I am the goddamn Batman.
Ok, maybe we need a little bit more than that.
My life is awesome, but not awesome in the way that a new game is SO AWESOME (*COUGHarkhamcityCOUGH*) but in a way that actually inspires an internal sense of awe and wonder.
Part of that is my work. As a 9-1-1 Dispatcher, any given day can contain giving life saving CPR, catching a bank robber, or helping a woman deliver her own nephew (I have done all three of these in the last calendar year). I work with intelligent, talented, and highly skilled people. A mild change of pace from my previous work making pizza at the local shopping center.
I have an awesome family. As the oldest of seven, I get to watch these new people grow and become their own individual personalities. Which, inevitably, leads to a lot of fighting, but in the end everyone figures it out.
My friends are the coolest people ever (sorry, everyone else’s friends), people who can make me laugh even when the world seems to be falling apart. They are fun, quirky, eccentric (read: mildly insane) people and I love every minute of it.
Love. Love is awesome. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out this time around, so I won’t be joining Brandon or Jordan in the category of “I have an awesome wife”, but I fell in love and that makes it all worth it.
So, yeah, I’d say my life is pretty awesome.
Also, Mass Effect. In fact, forget the rest, just Mass Effect should cover it.
Honorable mention to Rob, Brandon, Gloria, Colleen and with a late but still great entry, Chris! You are all living the dream.
Heads up on next week’s challenge, who can get the best picture of themselves with a celebrity (No Photoshop and Carrot-Top doesn’t count as a Celebrity!)
Now, get stalking!
The Alpha of All Betas: The Air-Quotes Edition
As many of you know, I’m not allowed to say anything about my beta experience this week. So instead, I want to talk a little bit about “Tetris”! I played “Tetris” this weekend for about 10 hours and it was so much fun. “Tetris” was a little buggy still and there were minor audio issues but all in all, “Tetris” is amazing! The story and dynamic voice acting shine in “Tetris”. It is every bit as good as Dragon Age but with a much bigger scope.
“Tetris” will likely be MY game of the year!